Gray
by SunLight
Summary: This time, Hikari refused to be the damsel in distress. [Perhaps Universe, counterpoint to Tale of the Other Woman]
1. Ships in the Night

_To any past readers - I've been away from the Digimon fandom and writing in general for a few years due to personal changes. But there are still stories to tell, so I'm easing back._

 _This story is the counterpoint to Tale of the Other Woman, from my Perhaps Universe, but it can be read as a standalone. It builds on the plot in Tale, but it also tries to portray a fleshed out Hikari, who tends to be idealized and weak in my stories. Hope you enjoy!_

* * *

 **Gray**

 _SL_

* * *

 **Ships in the night**

No one but Tailmon knew that Hikari cried over the engagement.

She had been working on her capstone photography project when the electronic _save the date_ came through the mail. She clicked, expecting it to be from Ken and Miyako, and instead found herself staring at a picture of Takeru and his fiancée. She stared at it until tears had completely blurred her vision, before sinking quietly to the floor of her apartment.

They looked good together. _Really_ good together, with their matching blonde hair, blue eyes, and beautiful smiles. Hikari had known that Takeru was dating someone, but she knew little about the woman. She knew only that she was Takeru's college classmate whom he met in French class and that the other Chosen Children liked her, because occasionally Miyako or Sora would talk about double dates or shared holiday trips. She had not paid her much thought otherwise.

The truth was, Hikari had never entertained the possibility that Takeru would marry someone else.

Tailmon, who had by now figured out what happened, gently tapped her knee. She didn't ask, _are you okay?_ She asked instead, very quietly, "Are you going?"

Hikari wiped her eyes and reread the invitation. This time, she took note of the date. The wedding was still many months away, enough time for her to come up with a legitimate excuse not to attend. She could apply to a new program, she could find a job here instead of returning to Japan, she could –

And she dug her nails into her palms to halt this train of thought. This wasn't just anyone's wedding. This was someone she cared deeply about. There was only one acceptable choice of action. She would go, and she would go as a good friend who was genuinely happy for him.

Hikari met Haruka for the first time at a Chosen Children reunion, shortly after she returned to Japan. Even though she was curious about her, her eyes went first to Takeru, whom she had not seen in person in years. Her heart pounded at the sight of his familiar, lanky figure and the sound of his laughter. She hurriedly struck up a conversation with Sora before he could notice her. She regretted coming; she was not strong enough for this.

Though she delayed the moment for as long as possible by engaging in conversation with the other Chosen Children, she eventually found herself following Sora to the other side of the field. Haruka was as pretty and stylish in person as Hikari had imagined. She could barely listen as the older woman made the introductions, until she caught sight of the other woman's face and realized that she, too, was ill at ease. Hikari wondered how much she knew about her past with Takeru, and resolved to put her mind at ease.

She managed a sincere smile as she laid a hand on Haruka's arm. "Hi, I'm so glad to meet you at last." The words came easily, truthfully. "Congratulations to you and Takeru. I'm sure you will be very happy together."

Haruka's face relaxed and she smiled back. "I'm very glad to meet you too."

Hikari turned slowly and finally met Takeru's eyes. She had thought of him so often that it was surreal to see his face up close again. He wore a strange expression, an unconscious smile playing at the corner of his mouth mixed with something that she couldn't place. Perhaps it was regret.

"Hello, Takeru." Her voice was soft, because it was hard to find the strength to speak. "Long time no see."

"Right. Long time no see."

And then they were in each other's arms. She couldn't remember who initiated the hug, but it didn't matter, it was inappropriate either way. For those few, precious seconds, he was hers and she was his, and she heard his heartbeat pound as loudly as her own as she buried her face in the crook of his neck, pressing her cheek against the familiar, warm skin.

She stepped away all too soon, not because she wanted to, not even because Haruka was watching, but because holding on would be much more painful than letting go.

"I'm very happy for you."

"Let's catch up sometime?" he whispered, his breath too close to her ear.

She gave a slight nod, knowing that she would and must break this promise. Then she returned her attention to Haruka and made small talk, before Miyako thankfully rescued her by dragging her back to the others. She stayed away from the couple for the rest of the evening.

Taichi put an arm around her on their way home and Hikari leaned gratefully into the embrace. Her brother didn't speak, didn't offer empty words of comfort, and she was grateful for that too. In the safety of her bed, she squeezed Tailmon so tightly that the Digimon finally wiggled away, leaving her alone and sleepless.

 _Loneliness is a shade of blue,_ went one of Hikari's old favorite songs. She knew now that it was a lie. Loneliness was a dull, lifeless gray.

* * *

Hikari never admitted to anyone that she and Takeru had once been together. The other Chosen Children had teased them for so long that when the relationship finally happened, she was protective. After their first night together, she buried her face in his chest and asked him to promise not to tell anyone.

"This is too precious," she had whispered, "but the expectations are too high."

"We won't say anything until we were ready," he had agreed.

Unfortunately, they never reached "ready." In the eyes of everyone else, they might be a perfect match, but the transition from friends to lovers was a rocky road. Their identities had been wrapped up in each other for so long that it was difficult to see anything objectively, difficult _not_ to take everything personally. Arguments that would have been easily resolved during their friendship lingered for days, slowly building resentment and distrust. Soon, stolen kisses and surprise presents were no longer effective as peace offering.

In the end, however, it was still Hikari's fault. She thought often of their last night together. They had started off arguing about her study abroad program, which led to insults on each other's dream careers. As a result, they ate the dinner they had made together in absolute silence. While she washed the dishes, he hunched over his laptop instead of keeping her company in the kitchen. He went to bed early, and when she joined him under the covers, for the first time he did not slip an arm around her to draw her close.

Hikari listened to his breathing evening out. The room was chilling, even though it was an oddly warm spring night. She felt hurt, humiliated, but most of all terrified. The decision was split second. She got out of bed and put on her clothes. Then she found and packed the overnight bag she unpacked only hours earlier.

She wasn't good at arguments or apologies, but she was rather good at running away.

When she opened the door, car key in hand, she turned back to the bed. Her heart twisted at how peaceful and innocent he looked in his sleep. If he had woken up then and asked her to stay – if he had said anything – no, if he had even opened his blue eyes, the story might have gone differently.

But Takeru did not stir once, and so Hikari stepped outside. She closed the door behind her and slid his spare key underneath. She cried the entire drive back to her campus. In the days after, there were a couple of angry exchanges, a few feeble attempts on both sides to reconcile, but by leaving without saying goodbye, she had done too much damage.

 _This time, Hikari, I am not going to run after you._

Even though there was near complete silence between the two of them for the past five years, she always nursed the fantasy that they could have a second chance. After she becomes stronger, after she becomes more understanding, after she learns how to properly apologize. But now she would never get the chance. Yes, she had run away, but he bolted the door shut behind her.

She would not know until years later that he had been awake that night.

After Takeru's wedding, Hikari moved Nagoya and met Nobu. The timing was perfect. She had other relationships before, but all of them were short-lived because part of her had always been waiting for Takeru, had always been unfavorably comparing the new man to him. But now that her former lover was married, she had no more excuses.

Nobu was a quiet unassuming man, a painter who taught community college art classes on the side. Hikari liked him right away, because something about him felt familiar, and that was a relief after moving to a new town, after so many things had changed. When he held her hand for the first time, she looked up at him and felt herself leaving the past behind.

Their courtship was fast. Within a year of meeting him, they were married and celebrated with a small, private ceremony. Hikari's mother had been disappointed that her daughter didn't have a more lavish affair, as the other Chosen Children had, but Hikari was content to celebrate only with the people closest to her. Besides, Nobu was an orphan; she saw no need to overwhelm him with strangers on their special day.

Nobu had never asked Hikari about Takeru, and she never offered him details beyond that they were close friends pre-college. Their interactions were rare since their marriages, limited to Chosen Children reunions and celebrations. She didn't want her husband to ever doubt that she loved him.

The truth was, Hikari thought often of Takeru, and it was a weakness that revisited at unexpected moments. She would be making dinner when she suddenly remembered his upcoming birthday, and there would be a sharp jab of pain when she realized that she would not be the one to celebrate with him. Other times, she found herself imagining a parallel universe that stretched alongside her own, when Takeru would be the face she saw across the dinner table, the body that slept beside her at night.

In the end, it did not matter whether Nobu ever learned her secret. He died in a freak car accident less than two years after their marriage, leaving Hikari widowed with a child on the way.

* * *

The birth of Kazuki changed Hikari's world. She had grown up protected, sheltered, and – if she were honest with herself – somewhat clingy. Her friends, brother, and husband were always there to take care of her, and it was easy to embrace her role as the sweet, delicate member of the team.

Her son gave her a reason to be independent, to be the caretaker and decision maker for the first time. It wasn't always easy, but she was always careful to shed tears in private, and with every passing year she felt stronger.

Hikari began painting classes on a whim, when she found her late husband's paints in the attic. Though they were dusty with disuse, the paint was still fresh. When Nobu's old colleague mentioned a few days later that he had taken over the art classes that Nobu used to teach, she decided that it was a sign.

She didn't expect to be good at painting, but years of semi-professional photography and adventures in the Digital World gave her a talent for depicting the mundane with marvel. A vase of daisies glistening in the sun, Tailmon snoozing by the window – everything came to life under her brushes, despite her amateurish technique. She started being featured in local galleries, and it had been a thrill to sell her first painting, even though it was to Ken and Miyako.

"I think you look happier these days," Sora remarked during one of her art shows.

Hikari nodded, although _happy_ wasn't quite the right word. _Focused_ , maybe. As if she had been living in a fog for a very long time, but there were finally moments when the world came into sharper focus.

One night, Hikari awoke with tears in her eyes. She had dreamed of a beach filled with gray sand, a lighthouse that emitted darkness, and an ocean that stretched into the colorless sky. Even after she blinked away her sleepiness, everything was so vivid that she could almost smell and taste the salty sea air in her bedroom. It also felt oddly meaningful, but when she cast her mind back, it drew a blank.

After making sure that Kazuki was still sound asleep, Hikari went to her studio. She could see exactly how she wanted it to be captured on canvas. She sat down, mixed together globs of gray, and began to paint.

* * *

 _tbc_


	2. Sand of Time

_I want to address a very good question that readers of Tale might have: Takeru said in that story that he never had a girlfriend before Haruka, so why am I telling you that he and Hikari dated? The key was the term "girlfriend" – when they were dating, they hadn't wanted to define themselves by "boyfriend" or "girlfriend" since they meant more to each other than those words could embody. This nuance was always intended: for two close friends to willingly lose touch, something serious must have happened, like a relationship gone wrong. I also wanted to contrast their teenage relationship and their adult relationship – there is a reason that high school or even college sweethearts don't end up together, which is probably what happened in canon. __Gray_ _gives my favorite couple a second chance after they had time to mature._

 _Hope that makes sense (and let me know if you still have concerns). Please enjoy the next installment! The writing is a bit raw – there's no question Tale has the better writing - but I'm remembering how much I enjoy storytelling again._

* * *

 **Sand of time**

One winter morning brought the first snowfall of the season and an unexpected email. Hikari reread it a few times, eyebrows furrowed, until she contented herself with the conclusion that there was no subtext. _Hi there, hope all is well,_ it read. _My family and I will be visiting Yamato and Sora for the holidays. Would you mind if we stop by and say hi? Takeru._

No, nothing there, just a greeting from a childhood friend who would be visiting her city.

That night, she wrote back, in the same careful, polite tone. _Hi Takeru, great to hear from you. It will be my pleasure to host your family for Christmas Eve dinner._

When the doorbell rang on Christmas Eve, Hikari was shoving her third attempt at baked potatoes into the oven, so it was an excited Kazuki who opened the door. He had met Yoshiro Takaishi a few times over the years, mostly in passing during reunions, and remembered him as the boy who had a Tokomon to match his own Plotmon. By the time she came out of the kitchen, wiping oily hands on her apron, the two boys were already jabbering away. Then they were tearing through the apartment with their Digimon partners in tow, leaving their parents shaking heads in amusement.

Hikari greeted her adult guests, though she did not allow her eyes to rest on Takeru for too long.

"Kazuki is very excited about Yoshiro," she explained as she led the way to the living room. "Kids in his class have Digimon, but none of them have Plotmon or Tokomon."

Takeru was looking around the apartment with a frown. He gave only a slight nod.

"Yoshi was very excited about coming too," Haruka said, noticing that her husband was uncharacteristically rude. "Thank you again for inviting us to dinner."

"Not at all, thank _you_ for coming. Have Yamato and Sora taken you around yet?"

"No." Haruka was again the one to speak, because Takeru remained disengaged. "They have their hands full with the kids right now, but we will be taking Yoshi to a few museums and parks."

"That sounds really nice. Kazuki really likes the zoo, so I highly recommend it as well."

Haruka returned her smile. "That sounds great! Let us know if you'd like to come along."

"I probably won't, but maybe Kazuki would like to join."

Hikari wished she'd started cooking earlier. She'd forgotten how awkward she was at making small talk. It didn't help that she and Haruka had never become close friends, due to physical distance as well as history with Takeru. As she glanced around her living room, trying to think of a new topic, she caught sight of her Tailmon painting that was hanging on the wall.

"You know," she said, getting up, "since dinner won't be ready for a while longer, why don't we take a tour of my apartment? I have something that I'd like to show you."

She told them about her painting classes and the local art shows as she showed them around her apartment. She wasn't trying to brag; it was just easier to ramble about her hobby. Haruka responded appropriately, accompanied by occasional nods from Takeru. Hikari hesitated when they reached her art studio. _Dark Ocean_ was such a special project for her and so recently completed that she felt a bit shy. Haruka's inquiring eyes encouraged her to continue.

"There's something that I've been working on that I'm especially proud of," she said. "Since writers are supposed to have good eyes for art, I'd like to hear what you think of it."

She stepped aside and allowed the guests to take a closer look. The painting was not perfect, by any means. She could see spots where the colors didn't contrast well, where a bad stroke had smeared the outlines, and where she could have added more volume to the water to convey weight and distance. Yet somehow, she felt that this was the most alive painting she had ever created.

"It's beautiful," Haruka breathed. She sounded sincere.

"No!" Takeru said. "It's a terrible painting."

Hikari flinched from the harshness. He had never spoken to her this way, not even in her early photography days when she always overdid the contrast in Photoshop. He had been studying _Dark Ocean_ with such intensity that she was sure he liked it.

She had to pretend that his remark did not hurt. "I'm sorry that you think so."

Haruka came closer and laid a hand on her arm. "I really do think it's great," she said, glancing nervously at her husband, as if she too were afraid of what he would say next.

"No!" Takeru said. He still hadn't looked away from the painting. "It's horrible, Hikari, and you need to throw it out. Burn it."

Neither woman knew how to handle this uncompromising stranger. An awkward silence ensued and Hikari felt relieved when Kazuki interrupted to ask about dinner. She quickly composed herself and led everyone back to the living room, The rest of the night was pleasant, although she couldn't stop sneaking glances at Takeru's face.

It wasn't the anger that bothered her, she realized. It was the fear.

* * *

Hikari sat up in bed, feeling cold shivers down her spine. The dream was more vivid tonight, like a long ago memory come to life. The setting was always the same, the gray ocean that had inspired her painting, only this time, she was watching her younger self fight strange marine monsters before being overcome and taken into the ocean itself.

Almost on a whim, she got up to go to her studio. In the dim moonlight, the ocean in her painting looked almost alive, the waves rippling, whispering. Remembering Takeru's fear, Hikari lightly touched the canvas and recoiled as familiar words sprang to mind.

 _Taichi. Always Taichi. You can't always count on him to protect you!_

Takeru had spoken them, in almost the same tone he'd said he hated the painting.

She closed her eyes as the scene at the school playground slowly materialized. That had been so long ago. She had been very scared of something she couldn't now remember. He had been scared too, on her behalf, but instead of comforting her, he yelled at her and made her feel worse. And so she had –

"I've been here before," she said aloud. The Dark Ocean was a real place. That was why she kept dreaming about it. Was that related to Takeru's earlier outburst?

More importantly, why couldn't she remember until now that she had been to this strange ocean?

 _Because you see, my Light, it wasn't time yet._

There was no mistaking it now. The ocean in the painting _was_ rippling, and someone _was_ whispering. Hikari drew her bathrobe tighter about her.

"Who are you?" she demanded.

 _You will need to come and find out._

Perhaps it was her sleepiness, or perhaps it was the baked potatoes, the absurdity of talking to a disembodied voice in her otherwise empty studio hadn't quite sunken in. Hikari felt more annoyed than concerned. She had fought off a mugger or two, surely she could deal with this cruel prankster making her talk to a _painting_.

"How? Where?"

 _Figure it out, and when you do, come alone unless you want to put others in danger._

The ocean waves were becoming bigger, coming closer together. They were also now glowing, beckoning her. Hikari took a deep breath and touched the gray paint lightly. Then she drew back in shock. Her finger had gone _inside_ the painting, even though there was no trace of any opening. She tried again, now with her entire hand.

The same thing happened.

Hikari stepped back, before some mysterious force grabbed her hand and pulled _her_ into the painting too. She was wide awake now, keenly aware that this painting was dangerous and the voice she'd hear even more so.

Her first thought was that she needed to wake Tailmon. One Holy Arrow from Angewomon and this whole business might be finished.

Then she remembered the mysterious voice's warning. Not that she doubted Tailmon's ability to fight off and win against evil beings, but if she told her partner what was happening, she would leap through the painting without a second thought. And who knew what lay on the other side for the unsuspecting.

Her second thought was that she needed to contact the other Chosen Children. Some combination of Koushiro and Taichi would figure out what was going on. But it was the middle of the night, with Christmas Day only a few hours away. If she contacted them, they would rush to her aid. This might have been okay during their adventure days, but now everyone had families, had children they needed to protect. If she couldn't risk Tailmon, how could she risk their safety?

Her last thought was that of her son.

Her son. Hikari's heart twisted at the thought of leaving her son alone at night, if she answered the call. She weighed her options. She could drop off Kazuki at Sora and Yamato's, but then that would require explanations that she didn't have, not to mention intruding on the Ishidas. She could wake him up and explain what was going on, but he would never let her go alone. Or…

Or she could wait until the morning, let Tailmon and the other Chosen Children what was going on, and then do something stupid like stepping into a painting. That would be the rational decision.

Hikari turned to the painting again. She could almost breathe the salty air. Then she gave a start. Her studio was starting to fill with ocean water, very slowly.

The decision had been made for her.

"Wait, let me change," she said, as if she were negotiating with the villain in a superhero movie. "I can't go to the beach in my nightgown."

Without waiting for a response, she shut the studio door and ran back to her bedroom. She slipped out of her now wet bathrobe and dressed quickly, not even bothering to run a brush through her hair. Then she was typing a quick message on her D-Terminal for the other Chosen Children, Tailmon, and Kazuki. She laid the device on her pillow, careful not to wake her sleeping partner. After some inner debate, she decided to leave her Digivice behind. Better to leave with her partner so she could better protect her son.

One more thing.

Hikari opened the drawer and rummaged around until she closed her hand around what she was searching for. Then she was back in her studio. Mysteriously, the water started receding as she headed towards the easel, almost if it knew that it had made its point.

She took a deep breath. She was her brother's sister, and she could face this on her own.

Hikari stepped through the painting, the weight of the gun a comforting presence in her coat pocket.

* * *

Somehow, without knowing what to expect, this was still unexpected.

She turned around briefly, to see the black portal she'd arrived through fade away, before returning her attention to the scene before her. The ocean and the lighthouse were the same, looking as they did in her painting and dreams, but the beach was different. It was no longer just endless gray sand and the occasional cave. It was now a bustling town, full of shops and line with paved streets.

She noticed that she was standing in the middle of the main road, with gray and faded Digimon changing direction last minute to avoid running into her, so she hurried out of the way. She hadn't needed to worry about drawing attention though. Nobody afforded her even a glance. Everyone was looking and moving towards some unknown destination, eyes blank, movement slow and mechanical.

It was as if she'd stepped into some sort of a zombie apocalypse.

A cold breeze blew. Hikari drew her coat more tightly around her and tried to focus. She needed to find the mysterious voice, so it knew she kept up her end of the bargain and not hurt her family or friends. She looked around. All she could see were shop windows topped with unfamiliar names. Some were restaurants; others were more esoteric. One in particular caught her eye. _Your Memory's Reflection,_ the sign read.

She gave a mental shrug. Why not? Shopkeepers gave directions and she wanted to check the place out.

There was a distant tinkling when she stepped inside the shop. All she could see were shelves after shelves of glass ornaments. She walked through the aisles carefully, not wanting to knock anything over. The ornaments were like mirrors, reflecting her movements as she passed.

At the end of one particular row, she found a strange ornate mirror and picked it up curiously. Instead of showing her face, the mirror showed nineteen-year-old Hikari closing the door to Takeru's apartment. The image was so detailed that she could even see the tear tracks on her mirror self's face.

Hikari replaced it hastily. Enough bad memories for one night. She didn't dare pick up another object to look closer, so instead she headed towards the front, where the shopkeeper sat, watching her. He was a humanoid Digimon that she found vaguely familiar. She shuddered when their eyes met; his were pupil-less and dead.

Apparently, they could see just fine, because the Digimon said, "Ah, it's you."

Hikari forgot what she had intended to say. "You know me?"

"Everyone here does," said the Digimon. "He's been waiting for you for years, as have we."

Hikari knew then, with strange certainty, that she and this Digimon had met before. Her apprehension grew and she put her hand in her pocket.

"You were asking for directions," he continued. "It's very simple. Keep heading towards the ocean. You will see it."

She looked outside. Follow the ocean. That seemed to be simple enough direction, and what was more, the main road seemed to lead straight to the water's edge.

Hikari walked slowly, but her mind was running. Part of her was regretting coming here with so little preparation. The other part of her was eager to understand what was happening.

When she reached the ocean, she hesitated. Was she supposed to – go inside? She was a decent good swimmer, but taking a dive in the middle of winter seemed like a horrible idea.

Just as she started to bend down to check the water temperature, a hand clamped down on her shoulder. She jumped, too startled to scream.

"Hikari, what the _hell_ are you doing?"

* * *

 _tbc_


End file.
